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Good morning. For the first time we’re sending you The Upshot from our new email provider.

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💬 Quote of the day

“You’re just a shit Big Ben” - West Ham fans chant at Prague's famous astronomical clock ahead of their European final victory on Wednesday night.

FOOTBALL

🎁 Next time just get me a bottle of something

When Luca Spalletti announced his departure after guiding Napoli to a first title since the cokey glory days of Maradona, the club's fans wondered how to thank him.

Perhaps they could have a whip round and get him a commemorative tie? Or a voucher to take his wife to a swanky restaurant?

In the end, they went for something more personal: they returned the steering wheel and CDs they stole when they broke into his Fiat Panda.

Back in 2021, Napoli's terrifying ultras nicked the items from Spalletti's motor, before unfurling a banner reading: "We'll give it back to you, all you have to do is leave".

Well Luca is finally stepping down this week, and a mob of masked fans came to bid him farewell, return his possessions, and unfurl a thank you banner.

Heartwarming, sort of...

FOOTBALL

💉 Work of Art

Ever since Emile Smith-Rowe dropped out of the Arsenal starting XI, he's been racking his brains for a way back into Mikel Arteta's good books.

After leaving his home-baked blueberry muffins in Arteta's office and taking the team labrador home for four weekends in a row, Emile still wasn't getting anywhere.

So this week he tried one last roll of the dice, unveiling a tattoo of Arteta's catchphrase - "trust the process" on his hip.

He even translated it into Spanish.

FOOTBALL

🤝 “And Phil Neville has definitely left, yeah?”

FOOTBALL

🕊️ Brazil nuts

The wholesome scenes at the Women's Euros left us all dreaming of a promising new future.

If the dark, alcohol-fuelled impulses of the male ego could somehow be tamed, then maybe stadiums would become family-friendly utopias where rivals joined hands and enjoyed some good, clean fun.

Last week Brazilian side Recife put that theory to the test - they banned men from a crunch tie against hated rivals ABC, and filled the stadium with 32,000 women and children.

It didn't go well. Footage showed women in Recife colours taunting and swinging punches at ABC fans, before they were dragged apart by security.

Then, dozens of bloodthirsty Recife fans charged into the away end, forcing their targets to flee in terror as riot police descended on the stands.

It was worth a try!

FOOTBALL

😘 Kante always get what you want

The Saudi revolution continues: N'golo Kante is the latest star to trouser £100m in a move to the desert kingdom.

Although unlike Ronaldo and Benzema, we're having a hard time picturing Kante's new life in some soulless Riyadh compound, petting sedated tiger cubs and cosying up to Salt Bae.

The Chelsea midfielder is widely known as the most humble man in football - he still drives the same banged up old Mini he bought when he joined Leicester in 2015, and is often spotted prowling the discount aisle of Asda.

And he's a regular at Pizza Express on Kings Road, cashing in those vouchers they post through your letterbox.

Give it three months, and he'll be demanding the waiters coat his dough balls in gold leaf...

GOLF

🍿 More Murray, more problems

As the PGA Tour merged with its Saudi-backed rival, The Upshot feared a return to mind-numbing camaraderie between players.

A few days on, we're pleased to report the stars of the tour are still spitting poison at each other.

After Grayson Murray attacked PGA commissioner Jay Monahan for "lying to our face" over the merger, Rory McIlroy was quick to slap down the world number 221.

“Just play better, Grayson," McIlroy told him, making clear he considered him nothing more than a shit-munching, cut-missing, glorified club pro.

"Fuck off Rory", came Grayson's response, and Rory probably wishes he had - the Saudis offered him $300m to defect last year.

💉 Quick hits

👶 England cricketer Jonny Bairstow has just announced the birth of a son, nine months and five days after he suffered a hideous leg break. Must have been a wild week.

🏆 West Ham's Emerson Palmieri is the first player to win all five UEFA competitions.

🔨 As West Ham fans sang "Bowen's on fire and he's shagging Dani Dyer", Dani's father Danny wrote online: "Bowen's on fire...and he's cuddling my daughter... or something like that."

🤩 Upshot favourite and Sunderland til I Die star Charlie Methven is leading a takeover of Charlton.

🚽 Decent tantrum from Nick Kyrgios' best mate Thanasi Kokkinakis at the French Open. After he was refused a toilet break, he yelled at the umpire: "do you want me to piss on the court? Is that what you want?"

📺 Sport on TV

Today
World Test Championship final cricket
• Australia v India (11am, Sky Sports)

French Open tennis
• Men's semi-finals (1.30pm, Eurosport)

Super League rugby league
• St Helens v Wigan (8pm, Sky Sports)

Saturday
Champions League final
• Man City v Inter Milan (8pm, BT Sport and YouTube)

World Test Championship final cricket
• Australia v India (11am, Sky Sports)

French Open tennis
• Women's final and Men's doubles (1.30pm, Eurosport)

Sunday
French Open tennis
• Women's doubles and Men's final (10.30am, Eurosport)

World Test Championship final cricket
• Australia v India (11am, Sky Sports)

What we cover in the TV Guide

AND FINALLY

👨‍👦 Try getting those legs in my AlphaTauri

We've got new entrants for the biggest height gap in sport: F1 driver Yuki Tsunoda (5ft 2in) and NBA star Kristaps Porzingis (7ft 3in).

But they still can't quite topple Manute Bol (7ft 7in) and Muggsy Bogues (5ft 3in), who besides having the most 80s basketball names ever, boasted a 28 inch gap.

That's it for today. Thanks to Ben and Julian for sending in stories.