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A wee bit of charlie
Plus: an England physio's erotic fiction and Elton Jantjies is up to no good again
š¬ Quote of the day
āIām sweating my balls off to be honestā - Nottingham Forest manager Steve Cooper.
SWIMMING
š©ŗ Cocky quip
When Adam Peaty burst on to the scene back in 2016, he was a shy, baby-faced young fella. The type of bloke your grandmother might call āa lovely boyā.
But three gold medals will change a man, and these days the breast stroker dresses like a Love Islander, dates Gordon Ramseyās daughter, and swans around training camps like heās Billy Big Balls.
According to insiders, Peaty got into a scrap after smacking teammate Luke Greenbank on the arse and making a ācocky quipā about his girlfriend, Anna Hopkins.
Peaty used to go out with Hopkins, and itās clearly a sore subject.
According to a witness: āHis actions touched a real nerve for Greenbank and it got very heated.
āPeaty was left with a bloody face and needing treatment.ā
RUGBY
š Elton gone
Magic mushrooms are enjoying a revival at the moment, so it was only a matter of time before a new wave of reckless, wide-eyed reprobates got in on the act.
Step forward Danny Cipriani, who took time out from branding Eddie Jones a āhorny teenagerā in his new book to extoll the virtues of hallucinogenic drugs like mushrooms and ācrystallised toadā.
Sure, Dannyās had the odd slip up. Like the time he got his dose a bit wrong, thought his wife was trying to kill him and āput my arms out, leaned back, toppled over and smashed my head on the edge of a stepā.
He ended up in hospital, and he spent six days accusing birds and trees of not being real before the trip wore off, but Danny still insists shrooms āopen doors for meā.
Mainly the doors to Queen Maryās hospitalā¦
UPSHOT PODCAST
š± Footballās weirdest romance
From human trafficking to arson, Mauro Icardi's love life has thrown up some ludicrous drama.
The former PSG striker and his wife Wanda are the stars of footballās most chaotic marriage.
From knobbing the team physio to licking cocaine off journalists, meet the game's rowdiest reprobates...
FOOTBALL
šµļøāāļø A wee bit of Charlie
After Mohamed Al Fayed headed to the seedy staff party in the sky, weāve been regaling Upshot Gold readers with tales of his motivational methods while in charge of Fulham.
The dirty old dog had a habit of bursting into the dressing room with a fistful of blue pills, dishing them out to his players before a match.
On one occasion he even extended this generous custom to Arsene Wenger.
Standing in the centre circle before a game, he filled Arseneās hand with blue pills and chuckled: āGive these to your boys. It will help them get it up later."
A bemused Wenger replied: "Get what up?" before he looked in his hand, and turned bright red.
He handed them back to Al Fayed, who walked off cackling with delight.
TENNIS
š¤Æ Fistfuls of clay
On a tour packed with highly strung brats, Russian stars Andrey Rublev and Daniil Medvedev are two of the most talented headcases around.
So their Wednesday night US Open clash was eagerly anticipated by aficionados of on-court tantrums and abusive crowd interactions.
And ahead of the big match - which Medvedev won - Rublev provided an incredible taste of their insane teenage rivalry.
Rublev describes how losing one point would result in āthree minutes of crying and racket throwingā.
The world number 8 said he would get so frustrated, heād grab fistfuls of clay from the court and eat them, while Medvedev would scream abuse at random passers-by:
We'd flip out differently. I was throwing rackets, crying, whining. He was throwing rackets but without crying and whining. Instead, he would yell at everything and everyone around.
He was nuts like that. He could tell the umpire what he thinks of him. Someone would simply pass by and get told to go to hell. I was mostly whining, crying, throwing rackets, grabbing clay from the court and eating it.
Itās only a gameā¦
FOOTBALL
āļø Rocket fan
His father might be one of the most elegant dribblers to ever grace the game, but it turns out Leo Messiās son Mateo is more of an enforcer, in the Roy Keane/Sergio Busquets mould.
š Quick hits
When John Stones campaigned to be Man City captain last season, he handed out flyers which read: āJohn Stones - Man of the Peopleā. He lost the vote.
šØāš§āš§Ā Mohamed Al-Fayed once told the Fulham squad he was giving them gold bars worth millions, but they turned out to be chocolate. āHe thought it was hilarious,ā remembers one player.
John Terry is the new manager of Saudi side Al-Shabbab, whose name means āthe ladsā.
Taylor Swift terrifying fans have voted Jude Bellingham into pole position to win the 2023 Golden Boy award after his rival, Barcelonaās Alejandro Balde, told an interviewer he didnāt like Swiftās music.
šŗ Sport on TV
Today
Rugby World Cup
ā¢ France v New Zealand (8.15pm, ITV)
One day cricket
ā¢ England v New Zealand (12.30pm, Sky Sports)
US Open tennis
ā¢ Menās doubles final (5pm, Sky Sports)
ā¢ Menās semi-final (8pm, Sky Sports)
Euro 2024 qualifier
ā¢ Cyprus v Scotland (7.45pm, Viaplay)
Saturday
Rugby World Cup
ā¢ Ireland v Romania (2.30pm, ITV)
ā¢ England v Argentina (8pm, ITV)
Euro 2024 qualifiers
ā¢ Ukraine v England (5pm, Channel 4)
US Open tennis
ā¢ Mixed doubles final (5pm, Sky Sports)
ā¢ Womenās final (9pm, Sky Sports)
Sunday
Rugby World Cup
ā¢ Japan v Chile (12pm, ITV)
ā¢ South Africa v Scotland (4.45pm, ITV)
ā¢ Wales v Fiji (8pm, ITV)
One day cricket
ā¢ England v New Zealand (11am, Sky Sports)
US Open tennis
ā¢ Womenās doubles final (5pm, Sky Sports)
ā¢ Menās final (8.30pm, Sky Sports)
Euro 2024 qualifiers
ā¢ Republic of Ireland v Netherlands (7.45pm, Viaplay)
AND FINALLY
šØāš§ Welcome to America
Weāre not saying South African womenās star Miche Minnies is definitely Ronaldinhoās secret lovechild.
But we wouldnāt mind seeing a DNA testā¦
That's it for today. Thanks to Baldo, Bear and Derek for sending in stories.
Still want more?
Listen to Mauro and Wanda Icardi: footballās most chaotic romance on The Upshot podcast.
When Jimmy White took his dead brotherās corpse on a pub crawl.
The baseball star who threw a perfect game while off his nut on LSD (Upshot Gold story).
Join the conversation