💬 Quote of the day

“If you have enough money you can get away with anything, including murder” - Fulham chief Tony Khan on the Saudi Premier League.

CRICKET

🕊️ You’re my hero

As Nelson Mandela chalked up his 9327th day in a Robben Island prison cell, he could at least draw strength from one of the 20th century’s great freedom fighters.

But who did Mandela turn to for inspiration in his darkest hour: Martin Luther King? Gandhi? Actually, it was Ian Botham.

On a podcast this week, the legendary all-rounder recalled a meeting with the great man:

And apparently Malala Yousafzai was compelled to take on the Taliban after catching highlights of Beefy’s famous 149 at Headingley…

FOOTBALL

😈 Cruz control

Back in the terrifying era of narco-football, Colombian cartels punished disobedient referees by kidnapping them, beating them up and leaving them naked in the wilderness.

But things are a lot more civilised these days, and Latin America’s heavy hitters seek vengeance through more formal channels.

After referee Felipe Lima oversaw Cruzeiro’s controversial cup final loss last season, the Brazilian side’s president Sérgio Santos Rodrigues began plotting his revenge.

And when he saw Lima’s wife dancing in a local nightclub, he spotted his chance.

Rodrigues sidled up to her, whispered a few sweet nothings in her ear and before long the pair were slow dancing and kissing.

Unfortunately, the whole incident was caught on camera, but that was probably Rodrigues’ plan all along…

BASEBALL

🐃 On the run from a predator, the wildebeest leave the weakest behind for the good of the herd

As the Cincinnati Reds’ ground staff unroll the tarpaulin pitch cover, one poor soul is eaten alive.

A frightened colleague witnesses his grisly fate, but keeps sprinting to save himself.

FIGHTING

⚔️ Wham! Bam! Thank you, Pam

Conor McGregor’s never been one for solemn displays of respect, so when he RSVP’d for his Aunt Pam’s funeral, there were probably a few concerned relatives in the family WhatsApp group.

And it turns out they were right - the unsavoury UFC fighter was filmed fleeing the wake with two bodyguards after reports of a scuffle inside the Merseyside pub.

In a voice note doing the rounds, a supposed eyewitness claims he “heard a big fookin smash and that.”

They also say Conor had been in the women’s toilets for 35 minutes “fookin smashin someone”.

As much as we’d like to believe that last bit, we’re pretty sure even he wouldn’t do that at a funeral…

UPSHOT PODCAST

🎙️ The season from hell

When American soccer chad Todd Boehly bought Chelsea, the fans were dreaming of glory. But since then, the club has been an absolute shitshow.

Macho death grips. Dressing room scraps, and that Thomas Tuchel rumour.

Join Jack, Zach and notorious Stamford Bridge hardman JP Lockwood, as we delve into Chelsea’s season from hell on episode two of The Upshot podcast.

We had 12,000 listeners in our first week - why not join ‘em…

FOOTBALL

🍺 Resume your life as a bastard

After Souleyman Diawara left Charlton for French giants Bordeaux in 2007, his agent begged him to calm his hard-partying lifestyle.

But according to Diawara, that’s not how things panned out…

💉 Quick hits

⚔️ MCC members kicked Aussie cricketers during the chaotic scenes in the Lord’s Ashes test. Jonny Bairstow also yelled at the Australians in the lunch room.

💰 Man United and Spurs pay their club mascots Fred the Red and Chirpy the Cockerel £70k a year.

🧠 After managing the MLS All Stars against Arsenal, Wayne Rooney was asked what he’d learned. “Absolutely nothing,” he replied.

👑 Wonder why Harry Kane wants to go to Bayern…

🎧 If you’re a Fulham fan, we recommend the Fulhamish podcast.

📺 Sport on TV

Today
Ashes fourth test
• England v Australia, day three (11am, Sky Sports)

The Open golf
• Day two (12.30pm, Sky Sports)

Saturday
Ashes fourth test
• England v Australia, day four (11am, Sky Sports)

The Open golf
• Day three (12.30pm, Sky Sports)

Women’s World Cup
• England v Haiti (10.30am, ITV)

Hungarian grand prix
• Qualifying (3pm, Sky Sports)

Tour de France
• Stage 20 (12pm, ITV4)

Sunday
Ashes fourth test
• England v Australia, day five (11am, Sky Sports)

The Open golf
• Day four (12.30pm, Sky Sports)

Hungarian grand prix
• Race (2pm, Sky Sports)

Tour de France
• Stage 21 (3pm, ITV4)

What we cover in the TV Guide

AND FINALLY

🍻 Could I see some ID, Mr Person

American college football is a treasure trove of exotic names - in the past we’ve brought you gems like De’Coldest Crawford and General Booty.

Now, meet Rowdy Beers and Dude Person who are actual players this season…

That's it for today. Thanks to Paul, Sammy, Karla and Frankie for sending in stories.