Bonking in a broom closet
Harry Maguire's prison sentence
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š¬ Quote of the day
"I know this sounds trite, but hopefully the football tonight @beINSPORTS_EN can act as a distraction for a short time?ā - Richard Keys on the ongoing conflict in the Middle East.
TENNIS
š§¹ Closet drama
Sure, Boris Becker cheated on his first wife with a waitress in a closet at a Japanese restaurant. And yes, his wife was heavily pregnant and in hospital at the time.
But she was NOT in labour. Boris isnāt some sort of animal, and he was happy to set the record straight on the Louis Theroux podcast this week:
She was in hospital, but there was no contractions. No.
I cheated on her, no doubt about that.
Elsewhere in the interview, Boris admitted meeting P Diddy in Miami, and said he wasnāt surprised when grim details emerged about the rapperās āfreak-offsā.
But he did deny ever partying with the disgraced producer:
Iāve never been a guy for going to long parties, because whatās the point?
Exactly! Why waste hours making small talk with Ashton Kutcher when you could be getting lucky in a broom closet?
FOOTBALL
šļø Pumping Irons
Take one look at Adama TraorĆ©ās glorious biceps - or at his crossing and finishing - and itās immediately clear the West Ham winger is playing the wrong sport.
He should of course be a professional wrestler or a Defensive Tackle in the NFL.
Sadly itās too late for Adama to retrain, so Hammers boss Nuno is trialing a new method to get the best out of him instead: banning him from lifting weights in the gym.
I've told him to stay out of the gym. It's one of the things that I think he needs to realise. It's enough weight that he carries.
TraorƩ has previously denied being a gym rat, insisting his physique is down to genetics, but teammate Crysencio Summerville caught him in the act last week.
Brave of Summerville to grass on TraorĆ©. The last man to displease the winger got charged down like a hapless rambler whoād accidentally stumbled into a bullās paddock.
FOOTBALL
š± If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I'd go 'Hendry, Higgins, Davis. O'Sullivan.ā
With his Gucci belt and envelope-based motivational methods, we didnāt need any more proof that Brendan Rodgers is footballās very own David Brent.
But Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall has provided it anyway, by recalling the time the former Leicester gaffer organised a mandatory pool tournament for his players:
Everyone had to join in. I was young at the time ā wasnāt a first-team player ā but was drawn to play him in the first round.
I said to the lads: āDo I try my hardest?ā Because he was going: āIām really good at poolā and all the lads thought he fancied himself to win the whole thing.
Quite a few people were watching and I beat him 3-0 and you could tell he was raging. A week later I got sent out on loan to Blackpool.
Poolās a bit fuddy duddy anyway, isnāt it?
FOOTBALL
ā¤ļø Tonali addicted to you
So Michael Carrickās unbeaten reign as Man United manager has finally ended with defeat at St. Jamesā Park. Still, heās doing a good job, right?
Well, not according to his former midfield partner Paul Scholes, who had this to say on Instagram after the match:
Weāre not sure what Paulās beef is, but weirdly he isnāt the only United legend whoās got it out for Carrick. Roy Keaneās also been slating him since he took over in January:
I think if United win every game from now until the end of the season, I still wouldnāt be giving him the job
At first we thought this was arrogance and professional jealousy from Keane, but it turns out heās actually been harbouring a grudge since 2014, because Carrickās wife called him a ācuntā on Twitter.
He even labelled her a ābig mouthā on his podcast at the start of the year. Pot kettle black Royā¦
FOOTBALL
āļø Let he who hasn't brawled and attempted bribery in Mykonos cast the first stone
Speaking of big-headed United legends, Harry Maguire was given a 15-month suspended prison sentence by a Greek appeals court this week.
Judges upheld his previous convictions for aggravated assault and attempted bribery, which he received in 2020 after getting involved in a holiday bar brawl.
The bribery conviction must be particularly galling for Maguire, because a āclose sourceā of his has claimed that police did try to solicit a bribe, but he refused:
They offered to make it disappear if he paid Ā£50,000.
He would rather be found guilty than pay a bribe. No apology or payment will ever be made and Harry will clear his name.
To be fair, Ā£50k seems pretty steep. We thought the going rate was ā¬20 and a pack of Karelia Slims.
UFC
š„ Arch nemesis
So Conor McGregor has earmarked July for a UFC comeback, having previously retired from the sport on three separate occasions.
To be fair, retirement never really suited Conor.
Take his second career break back in 2019, when he missed fighting so much, he decided to assault a grandfather in Dublinās Marble Arch pub.
We tell the full story on YouTube.
š Quick hits
ā±ļø Liverpool have lost five games because of 90th minute goals this season, the most of any side in a single campaign in Premier League history.
šļø Souvenir tickets given out at Cruz Beckham's gig in the Welsh capital last week said the event was taking place in Cardiff, England.
šļø Crystal Palace manager Oliver Glasner has been banned from driving for six months after doing 29mph in a 20mph zone.
š The Six Nations trophy was damaged in a fire during transit this week. The before and after photos arenāt a bad visual metaphor for Englandās tournament so far:
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AND FINALLYā¦
āļø Bad sign
Weāre not totally convinced this is Noussair Mazraouiās real signature.
Either way, itās nice to see the Man United star treating autograph hunters with the reverence they deserve.
Thatās it for today.
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