FOOTBALL

👙 ‘Mine girls

When Lamine Yamal announced a trip to Brazil for his summer holidays, his parents were probably hoping he’d lined up a studious exchange partner called Joao who would show him round Rio’s Jardim Botânico, and help him brush up on his Portuguese grammar.

But it was a sliiiightly different vibe in Rio as the Spanish starlet rocked up at Neymar’s heavily-NDA’d lair, and the pair put aside their 16 year age gap to party along with the Brazil striker’s mates.

And it turns out Neymar and Lamine might be kindred spirits after all.

The week before, Yamal was snapped jetskiing around Sicily with a 29-year-old OnlyFans star, while another Spanish pornstar, Claudia Bavel, popped up on a chat show claiming the Barca star had tried to woo her with some questionable chat up lines:

And if Claudia’s name sounds familiar, that’s because she previously spilled the beans on a fling with Spain legend Iker Casillas.

As we told you in February, Claudia branded the retired goalkeeper “stingy and not at all generous”, and recalled a date where she’d suggested getting a glass of wine at a restaurant.

Iker pointed her in the direction of a supermarket…

FOOTBALL

🍕 Taking the pizz

If there’s one thing we learned from Jamie Oliver’s shameless decision to throw a clove of garlic into a carbonara, it’s that Italians don’t take kindly to assaults on their cuisine.

Juventus midfielder Weston McKennie was already in the bad books after dousing his pizza in ranch sauce a few years back, and the American went nuclear this week as he blasted the lack of “variety” in the local food.

And while grandmothers across the peninsula sharpened their mezzalunas, nobody was more riled than ex-Sampdoria keeper Emiliano Viviano, who let rip on Italian TV:

And he didn’t stop there.

FOOTBALL

⚔️ Don’t be a bad port

At the other end of the fanaticism spectrum, most English fans have approached the Club World Cup with the kind of disinterest they normally reserve for soft drinks in a Tenerife Irish pub.

So it’s always a surprise to see supporters who actually give a shit.

When Porto landed home after their drab group stage exit, they were met by a furious horde of ultras who tried to attack their bus, before police fired rubber bullets to disperse the mob.

Slightly different vibe for South African side Mamelodi Sundowns, who danced a conga in front of their fans after being knocked out of the tournament.

OTHER BECKHAMS

🎸 Cruz missile

Brooklyn Beckham has to endure a lot of critics: philistines who can’t see the artistic merit of his photography. Disgruntled chefs struggling to recreate the intricate details of his bacon sandwich.

So the last thing he needed was his own brother joining the pile on.

Cruz Beckham is pursuing a football fashion music career, and after posting a TikTok of one of his songs, he had a perfect comeback for the haters:

Although it turns out like Brooklyn got off lightly.

SNOOKER

🎱 Clean break

Speaking of family drama, Ronnie O’Sullivan is back together with his on-off, on-off again girlfriend, Eastenders actress Laila Rouass.

It’s been a winding road for the pair, which might explain the name Laila is saved under in Ronnie’s mum’s phone: “The revolving fanny”.

ATHLETICS

🩳 Chris dingle

Ever since Janet Jackson’s boob slip at the Super Bowl halftime show, American sports fans have been waiting for a wardrobe malfunction to rival that moment.

Step forward Florida-born sprinter Chris Robinson, whose shorts disintegrated during the 400m hurdles in the Czech Republic this week, leaving his todger flapping like a frankfurter in the wind.

He still won the race, and yes, you can see the uncensored, NSFW clip here.

🔑 Get The Upshot ad-free twice a week when you upgrade to Upshot Gold.

AND FINALLY…

🐊 Snap shot

Nothing to see here, just an alligator with a golf club. In Florida, obviously.