GOLF

📸 I Woz only joking

Rory McIlroy is hotly tipped to win his first major in a decade this weekend, but while his rivals were busy polishing their five irons and doing sun salutations on the 18th hole, Rory had another priority: announcing his divorce.

Three days before a major tournament seemed like slightly odd timing to call in the lawyers, but Rory’s always had a ruthless streak when it comes to love.

Back in 2013, the golfer was counting down the weeks till his wedding with Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki.

That was until Cazza tweeted an unflattering photo of him asleep, with his mouth flopping open like a pensioner in front of Countdown.

According to friends quoted by the Irish Independent, “Rory was very upset by it”, and broke off the marriage a few days later…

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FOOTBALL

🤬 Kyl joy

Speaking of break ups, Kylian Mbappe took the “it’s not you, it’s me” approach as he gently broke it to the Parc des Princes dinner ladies that he’s leaving PSG at the end of the season.

Last week, the French striker posted a saccharine video, thanking the club’s fans, his teammates, coaches and “club lovers”, even reeling off a list of former sporting directors by name.

But there was one glaring omission from his touching tribute: PSG chairman Nasser Al-Khelaifi.

According to reports in the French press, the Qatari bigwig collared Kylian in a stadium back room last weekend, demanding to know why he hadn’t thanked him.

Witnesses reported that “the walls shook” as the pair screamed at each other, and the fight delayed PSG going out for their warm up.

They lost 3-1.

FOOTBALL

👬 Lost me Ed

Back in January, Dinamo Bucharest president Florin Prunea was dishing out celebratory bowls of ciorbă after pulling off a transfer coup: he’d signed former Barcelona defender Edgar Ie.

But after five dreadful performances from the Portuguese international, something didn’t seem right.

Not only did he have the defensive instincts of a common or garden shrew, Edgar could only speak Portuguese, despite previously claiming to be fluent in English and having spent the last 12 years playing across Europe.

Suspicious, Florin put in a few calls and unearthed a worrying detail: Edgar had a twin brother called Edelino who had spent his career in the Portuguese lower leagues.

Convinced they’d been duped into signing the wrong brother, the club asked “Edgar” to see his driving licence.

He refused and they’re now demanding a DNA test. Not sure that’ll help…

FOOTBALL

🦡 Raccoon roll

There are few more joyous sights in sport than stewards chasing an animal around the pitch, and fans at the MLS clash between Philadelphia and New York City were treated to a raccoon on the loose on Wednesday night.

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FOOTBALL

🎹 Shear cheek

Barring a 13 goal swing, Nottingham Forest are safe from relegation, so gaffer Nuno Espirito Santo can sleep easy tonight.

Unlike Alan Shearer, who went into the final day of the 2008/9 season needing a win to save his beloved Newcastle from the drop.

The night before the big game, a nervous Shearer stayed up drinking till 11.30pm, then retired to his plush hotel suite, which included a separate living area with a grand piano.

But the caretaker manager was awoken at 3am by the sound of someone tinkling on the ivories.

Speaking on the Rest is Football podcast, Shearer recalled:

He watched his side lose 1-0 the next day, and they were relegated.

AND FINALLY

🍼 World class wrecking Crewe

Ahead of their play-off semi-final shootout, Crewe goalkeeper Max Stryjek noticed his opposite number had written instructions on which way to dive on his water bottle.

So Max simply lobbed the bottle into the crowd.

Crewe won and are in Sunday’s final. And if they win, we’re looking forward to seeing football’s most depressing banner in League One next season…

That's it for today. Thanks to George and Sammy.