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FOOTBALL

😢 Never say Neville again

Back to reality. Back to shitty Teams calls. Back to watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows and listening to podcasts about Andy Burnham.

But before all that, a good old fashioned witch hunt. It’s tempting to lay all the blame for England’s defeat at Tuchel’s door, but may we suggest another culprit?

Gary Neville took a swipe at Cristian Romero and Lisandro Martinez ahead of the game, labelling them “the best, worst centre-half pairing in the world.”

He made similar comments about Marc Cucurella before the Euros final two years ago, and the Spanish defender used that criticism to fuel his side to smug glory.

Now Romero and Martinez have done the same thing. Asked about Neville after the match, Romero told reporters:

FOOTBALL

🐌 Voz it something I said?

As post-tournament comedowns go, spare a thought for the World Cup’s breakout star, Vozinha.

The 40-year-old keeper gained 28m Instagram followers and took Messi’s Argentina to extra time, but now he’s a free agent back in Cape Verde.

There is some good news for Voz though. A marine biologist has just named a newly discovered sea slug after him.

He’d probably prefer an Adidas brand partnership or a 12-month contract with Cremonese, but still.

BOXING

🚽 And now for someone completely horrible

If you’ve ever seen one of these bizarre etiquette signs in a public restroom, you’ve probably wondered, “Who stands on the toilet and squats?”

Well, it turns out the answer is John Fury.

Tyson’s ‘orrible dad was on a podcast this week, where he revealed he’s never once used a toilet seat:

Not his worst habit, but still…

🤕 Urine for a treat

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CRICKET

🎉 The bad news is, we lost by 270 runs. The good news is, I have set a PB.

Say what you like about England’s second-half performance, but at least Kobbie Mainoo wasn’t punching the air in the dugout after finishing a tricky sudoku.

Unlike England cricket star Issy Wong, who decided a massive defeat at Lord’s was the opportune moment to celebrate solving a Rubik’s Cube.

CRICKET

💔 Had her wicket way

Say what you like about Issy Wong solving a Rubik’s Cube, but at least she wasn’t banging her teammate in the Lord’s Long Room.

Unlike Australian cricket star Ashleigh Gardner, who’s been accused of having an affair with a teammate by her ex-wife Monica Wright.

Monica popped up on Instagram this week, alleging that Ashleigh cheated on her during the Women’s World Cup in India last year, with batter Georgia Voll.

Ashleigh vice-captained her team to the T20 World Cup trophy last week, so the scandal can’t have been too bad for team morale.

💉 Quick hits

🎤 FIFA have confirmed they will break their own rules by extending the World Cup Final half-time to 30 minutes, in order to accommodate the Super Bowl-style show.

👎 Estimates suggest that up to 5,000 Nazis and collaborators relocated to Argentina following World War II.

🐌 The marine biologist who named the Vozinha sea slug also named another mollusc after Keylor Navas.

👎 A single Fortnite V-Buck is worth 10x more than an Argentine Peso.

👵 Vozinha’s real name is Josimar José Évora Dias. Vozinha means “little granny” in Portuguese, and he earned the nickname because he used to run crying to his grandma if he lost at street football.

👎 In a 2013 referendum, 99.8% of residents of the Falkland Islands voted in favour of remaining a UK overseas territory. Turnout was 92%.

🎓 Mexico midfielder Gilberto Mora graduated from high school this week.

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AND FINALLY…

☃️ Blizzandro Martinez

An Argentina fan celebrates in Antarctica. Apparently it was -45°C.