💬 Quote of the day

“There’s a person imitating a bee behind me.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas complains about a noisy spectator at the Cincinnati Masters.

FOOTBALL

🥄 And it’s 3 Jaegers for a fiver on Tuesdays

A few weeks ago, Newcastle midfielder Sandro Tonali was sobbing into his Birra Moretti, staring up at the grey August sky and dreaming of Mama’s home-cooked carbonara.

The Italy international reportedly burst into tears when AC Milan flogged him to the Magpies, and looked utterly miserable stepping out into the biting North Sea wind a few days later.

But fast forward a month and Sandro’s gone fully native.

After starring in Newcastle’s 5-1 win over Aston Villa last weekend, Tonali settled in for ham, egg and chips and a pint of Brown at the Job Bulman Wetherspoons in Gosforth.

How long till he’s 40 stone topless on boxing day, swinging his shirt over his head in the Gallowgate End.

GOLF

⛳️ Hole in Un

When they’re not raining missile tests down on the Yellow Sea, or priming fugitive US soldiers to slag off their homeland, North Korea likes nothing more than a tasty PR coup.

So after seeing golf’s biggest stars selling their souls for the Saudi riyal, the country’s supreme rulers had an idea: why not invite them along for a tournament in Pyongyang?

A call went out this week inviting “foreign golfers” to the Taesong course for a match against local players.

And if the golfers are willing to dip their toes in international diplomacy, it’s a tantalising chance to visit one of the sport’s most historic sites.

According to North Korean state media, the course played host to former leader Kim Jong Il’s incredible 38 under round, where he shot an unprecedented 11 holes-in-one.

Apparently 17 bodyguards witnessed the feat…

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FOOTBALL

😡 Cris cross

Even after winning his first trophy for Al Nassr, Cristiano Ronaldo threw a hissy fit when he didn’t get man of the match.

He did score twice to be fair…

AMERICAN FOOTBALL

🎥 Blindsided

Oscar-winning 2009 film The Blind Side told the remarkable “true story” of Michael Oher, an African American NFL star who rose from homelessness to grace the sport’s biggest stage.

But like most Hollywood blockbusters, all was not what it seemed.

This week Oher filed a lawsuit claiming a central premise of the film - that he was “adopted” by a rich white family - is a lie.

According to Oher, the Tuohy family promised him he was being legally adopted at 18, but instead tricked him into signing a “conservatorship”, which gave them the legal right to strike business deals in his name.

He claims the Tuohys then sold movie rights to his story, earning them and their birth kids millions of dollars, while he was left empty handed.

The family deny they did anything wrong, but it’s set for a spicy courtroom showdown…

UPSHOT PODCAST

🇧🇷 Parties, prison and polygamy

In the mid 2000s, Ronaldinho was the king of football... and an absolute shagger.

But the madcap world of the buck-toothed genius was about to come crashing down.

From four-way relationships to stints in the slammer, buckle in for the scintillating saga of Brazil’s sesh-head superstar…

FOOTBALL

🤦 Caught Nap-ing

For more than a decade, terrifying mafia honcho Vincenzo La Porta was listed as one of Italy’s 100 most dangerous fugitives.

After fleeing his hometown of Naples, the Italian mobster spent 11 years on the run, living off tinned sardines and collected rain water, before setting up shop under an assumed identity on the Greek island of Corfu.

It was all sunshine and spanakopita until last May, when Vincenzo’s beloved Napoli sealed their first Serie A title in three decades.

Hearing jubilant fans celebrating in a restaurant below his apartment, Vincenzo couldn’t resist popping out onto the balcony to join the party.

Unfortunately for La Porta, pictures of the festivities ended up online where he was recognised by Italian police.

He was arrested a few days later.

💉 Quick hits

🧙‍♂️ Real Oviedo announced the signing of Santi Cazorla with a video of the former Arsenal man dressed as Gandalf.

❤️ Rupert Murdoch is dating Roman Abramovich’s ex-mother in law.

👀 New Arsenal signing David Raya has a tattoo commemorating Brentford’s win over the Gunners in 2021.

📺 Sport on TV

Today
Championship football
• Leeds v West Brom (8pm, Sky Sports)

Saturday
Premier League football
• Tottenham v Man Utd (5.30pm, Sky Sports)
• Man City v Newcastle (8pm, TNT Sports)

Championship football
• Plymouth v Southampton (12.30pm, Sky Sports)

Rugby Union international
• Wales v South Africa (3pm, Amazon)
• Ireland v England (5.30pm, Amazon)

Women’s World Cup third place play off
• Australia v Sweden (9am, ITV)

Sunday
Women’s World Cup final
• England v Spain (11am, BBC & ITV)

Premier League football
• Aston Villa v Everton (2pm, Sky Sports)
• West Ham v Chelsea (4.30pm, Sky Sports)

Championship football
• Norwich v Millwall (12pm, Sky Sports)

What we cover in the TV Guide

That's it for today. Thanks to Tony for sending in stories.