FOOTBALL

🤦 Carr crash

From gobbing in children’s faces to shagging a stripper in front of a “stunned, silent” Michael Owen, Jamie Carragher occasionally pushes things too far.

The wisecracking pundit was at it again on Wednesday night, jokingly accusing CBS presenter Kate Abdo of cheating on her boyfriend, Malik Scott.

When Abdo insisted she was “loyal” to Man United, Carragher fired back: “not to Malik”.

It sent the panel into stunned silence until Abdo replied: “What? Why would you even say that?”

Jamie no doubt lay awake that night cringing at his ill-judged gag, particularly as Malik is a 6ft4in heavyweight boxer who trains Deontay Wilder.

And you know you’ve gone too far when even Richard Keys hinks you’ve crossed the line…t

If you’re wondering what Keys’ idea of acceptable workplace conduct is, try this clip of him serenading a female colleague with “get ya tits out for the lads”.

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FOOTBALL

🤡 Korea change

Only a few months ago, Jesse Lingard was a full-time TikToker whose only shot at pulling in a big crowd was nipping out for a gold-plated steak with Salt Bae.

But after signing for Korean giants FC Seoul, the locals are treating Jesse to the kind of fanatical welcome they usually reserve for babyfaced boybands and League of Legends champions.

Tickets for Lingard’s debut sold out in two and a half minutes, and fans queued for four hours to load up on merch at a hastily erected “Lingard Zone”.

As for the game itself, a league record 51,670 crowd turned out to see the 31-year-old show off his “dazzling skill” and “waste a glorious chance with a scuffed shot” in a 0-0 draw.

With his debut out the way, you might expect a culture vulture like Jesse to spend his first week touring the Gyeongbokgung Palace or marvelling at the lush peaks of the Baegundae Mountains.

But there were more urgent matters at hand, like sliding into the DMs of local insta-hottie Applee - known as “the Korean Kim Kardashian” - who gleefully screenshotted the former Man United star’s thirsty message for her two million followers.

FOOTBALL

💿 ROM com

There was a glorious Harry Redknapp anecdote in The Athletic’s article about returning Liverpool sporting director Michael Edwards.

While at Portsmouth, Edwards gave Harry a CD-ROM filled with player data, but received a frazzled phone call when Redknapp couldn’t get it to work.

It turned out he’d put in the CD player of his car.

ATHLETICS
🏅 Ciar and obvious error

As she lined up in the 9am drizzle alongside a four month pregnant woman and an overweight accountant with a knee replacement, Irish 1500m runner Ciara Mageean was looking forward to a leisurely Saturday morning 5km jog.

But when the starting horn blared at her local parkrun, Ciara couldn’t resist putting on the afterburners and blitzing the competition to set a new parkrun world record of 15 mins and 13 seconds.

Unfortunately, the acclaim of the local yummy mummies was slightly tainted when Ciara realised she’d torn her hamstring hopping over dog shit, putting her out of the indoor athletics season.

Still, at least she had her photo in the park cafe, and a framed wooden medal to comfort her as she hobbled to the loo and fought to recover in time for the Olympics.

But there was worse to come.

Shortly after her record-breaking jog, parkrun organisers announced they were scrapping leaderboards and records to be less “off-putting” to new runners.

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FOOTBALL

🚬 Seriously harms you and teammates around you

After our John Terry podcast last week, Manish got in touch to remind us of the time Indian cigarette brand White Flake were caught using a picture of JT in their “smoking kills” warning.

💉 Quick hits

🧑‍⚖️ Looks like the game’s up for Quincy Promes - Dubai police have arrested him once again after a request by the Netherlands, where he is facing seven years in the slammer for coke smuggling.

🤦‍♂️ Hapless Man United admin staff accidentally emailed 167 employees with a full list of their salaries and other personal info. They’re now being sued.

📈 Man City haven’t lost at home since November 2022.

📊 Until Tuesday, there hadn’t been a penalty shootout in the Champions League since 2016. This week there were two.

AND FINALLY

🌧️ Muddy hell

A very muddy penalty in the Croatian second division. It ended just as you’d expect...

That's it for today. Thanks to Manish and Reuben.