🍹 Shandy Andy

In recent years, Everton fans have grown used to the club spunking huge sums of cash on overpriced dross. But back in 2005, the purse strings were a lot tighter.

So when the club stumped up £2 million to sign one-time wonderkid Andy van der Meyde from Inter Milan, there was plenty of excitement at Goodison Park. Little did they know, it would mark the start of a scandalous tale of booze, strippers, zebras and kidnapped dogs...

Andy wasn’t keen on the Merseyside move to begin with. There was an offer on the table from Monaco, and the Dutchman fancied a few years sunning himself on the tax-free French Riviera.

But his then-wife kiboshed the move when she discovered they’d have to live in an apartment, meaning her beloved pet camels and zebras couldn't come with them.

So, thanks to the Van der Meyde menagerie, Andy packed his bags for the less temperate climes of North West England. No word on what the zebras made of that.

But Andy was injured when he first signed. Bored in his new home – and without his wife, who was back in Italy organising the transport of her safari park – Van der Meyde decided to pop into town. And he never really left.

Andy became a fixture of the Liverpool nightlife scene before he’d even played a game for the Toffees, his drunken antics earning him the nickname ‘Shandy Andy’. But it was another vice that really defined his time in England.

"I had a strong longing for naked women," Andy explained after being spotted in a strip club in the middle of the day during his first month. Fair enough. But that didn’t explain why he’d taken the 16-year-old son of some family friends with him.

He clearly liked what he saw at the sleazy joint – namely a Scouse dancer called Lisa – who he described as "beautiful, like Jordan". Within months, he’d left his wife for her, declaring "After I’d had sex with Lisa once I was addicted. She was crazy, wild and horny."

Unfortunately, Van der Meyde was making less waves on the pitch. His only notable contribution in his first season was a red card in the Merseyside derby for elbowing Xabi Alonso in the face.

Still, Shandy Andy could always fall back into the arms of the city's nightlife. But he ended up in hospital after being spiked on a night out, and when he was discharged, somebody broke into his house and kidnapped his dog, demanding £5,000 for its return.

The player’s life was starting to resemble a Sopranos episode, and when his prized pooch was eventually returned, Van der Meyde decided to finally concentrate on football.

But he didn’t see eye-to-eye with club captain Phil Neville, who he described as a "snitch" because "he told everything that was going on to the boss".

In his final year at Goodison, David Moyes fined the player for missing a training session. Van der Meyde, who had family problems at the time, branded his boss "a fucking prick" for not understanding. In 2009, he left Everton after a four-year stint with 24 appearances and zero goals.

A couple of short spells back in the Netherlands followed, before Andy found his true calling. In 2014, he refereed the Lingerie World Cup, and was pictured grinning gleefully surrounded by semi-naked female footballers.

All’s well that ends well.