BIATHLON

💔 That’s Norway to behave

By now you’ve probably heard about Norwegian biathlete Sturla Holm Lægreid, who mistook himself for the lead in a Richard Curtis movie after winning his bronze medal.

Sturla used his big moment to apologise to his ex-girlfriend for cheating on her, a stunt that went down particularly badly back in Norway.

That’s because Sturla’s compatriot won gold, and used his moment of glory to commemorate their teammate who recently died.

To be fair to Sturla, he may have stolen the spotlight, but there are worse things you can steal from your biathlon teammate.

Just ask Julia Simon, who won gold for France in the women’s 15km event.

Four months ago, Julia was found guilty of stealing a credit card from fellow French biathlete Justine Braisaz-Bouchet, and using it to go on a €2,000 online spending spree.

Justine must have spent too many late nights on the phone with Societe Generale’s anti-fraud team, because she finished 79 places behind Julia in 80th…

FOOTBALL

🪖 “If there's some IEDs about, it makes the surface dangerous.”

If you think credit card fraud is bad for team morale, imagine finishing a harrowing 14-hour patrol in Helmand Province, only to discover you have to endure a pep talk from Michael Owen.

This week, the former Liverpool striker revealed he was once flown out to Camp Bastion in Afghanistan to “give the troops a little bit of a lift before Christmas.”

Worse still for the soldiers, Owen was accompanied by then-Prime Minister David Cameron. The pair even shared a bunk bed on the flight over:

The one time you want a bit of friendly fire…

FOOTBALL

☕ No, I don’t want to go and see Louis Dunford with you boss

“I have the privilege that I have never been sacked before,” said Thomas Frank when he was appointed Spurs boss. “That is one of the reasons why I took the job. To get a little bit more risk in my daily life.”

Well Frank was finally treated to that thrill this week, when he was axed by Tottenham after eight months in charge.

The writing was probably on the wall last month, when he was pictured strolling around the Vitality Stadium sipping a flat white from an Arsenal coffee cup.

At the time it was brushed off as an accident, but now we’re not so sure. A club source has just revealed that Frank had a “bizarre obsession” with the Gunners:

Frank may have lost his job, but at least now he can dust off his Thierry Henry bedsheets.

FOOTBALL

👶 And Mr. Frank, you’re sure you want to name your son Viktor Bukayo Kai Eberechi Declan?

Paul Merson was on Sky Sports this week, waxing lyrical about his old pal Charlie Oatway.

If you’re wondering who Charlie Oatway is, you might know the former Brighton midfielder by his full legal name:

It turns out Charlie’s parents were die-hard QPR supporters, and they chose to name their son after each player in the starting 11 of the club’s 1973 squad.

When his mum told her sister about the names she’d chosen, her sister told her “he’ll look a right Charlie.” And it stuck.

FOOTBALL

💘 Mad on her

There was a time when all Madonna had to do was snap her fingers, and Dennis Rodman would jump straight on a cross-country flight for a five-minute bonk.

These days she doesn’t have quite the same pulling power, but we’re happy to report she is loved up again: the 67-year-old pop star is now dating 29-year-old footballer Akeem Morris.

We say footballer… Akeem is currently a free agent, having previously played for NY Renegades and Oyster Bay United in the US fourth tier.

Elsewhere, Madge and Akeem aren’t the only unlikely couple who’ll be celebrating this Valentine’s Day.

Kyle Walker has somehow reconciled with his wife, and they’re now expecting their fifth child together.

Counting the two he’s had with his mistress, that’s baby number seven for Kyle...

💉 Quick hits

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Will Still’s brother, Edward Still, has just been appointed Watford manager.

⚽ Cristiano Ronaldo went on strike at Al Nassr last week when his old pal Karim Benzema signed for title rivals Al Hilal. His mood won’t have been improved when Karim scored a hat-trick on his debut.

📱 Before arriving in Milan, Team USA luge star Sophia Kirkby shared a reel on Instagram, notifying followers that she was “Athlete Village’s most eligible bachelorette.” She’s since received 600 DMs.

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AND FINALLY…

😬 That’s gotta Hurk

Alexander Bublik reacts to Hubert Hurkacz serving three double faults in a row against him in Rotterdam.

Hurkacz was serving for the match, but ended up throwing it away.