💬 Quote of the day

“I put mayonnaise in my coffee sometimes” - An unusual recipe from NFL star Will Levis.

FORMULA 1

👨‍👦 Dad of the year

As Max Verstappen canters towards another title, his father Jos is soaking up the plaudits for raising a champion.

“If there could have been an experiment in how to create the perfect racing driver, it would probably have looked something like the making of Max Verstappen,” gushed The Times this week.

But before Practical Parenting magazine sign Jos up for a weekly column, they might want to run a few background checks.

After Max lost a go-karting race aged 14, his dad dumped him outside a random petrol station in southern Italy and told him to walk the five miles to their hotel.

When Max eventually arrived home, Jos didn’t speak to him for a week.

Then again, Max got off lightly compared to the bloke who left with a fractured skull after arguing with Jos at a go kart track.

And then there’s the time he sort of a little bit accidentally ran over his ex-girlfriend and was charged with attempted murder.

Although in the interests of fairness we should add that she dropped the charges. And married him. They divorced three years later.

FOOTBALL

🤩 Ever since I boarded my Easyjet flight I’ve dreamed about playing for this club

Only a decade ago, Malaga were five minutes from a Champions League semi-final, until two late Dortmund goals broke their hearts.

These days, the club haven’t got a pot to piss in and they’re scrapping it out in the Spanish third tier with shitmunchers like Lanzarote and Real Sociedad’s B team.

But at least the fans can laugh about it. To protest the lack of summer transfers, the Boquerenes faithful turned up at the airport and greeted a random tourist like he was a new star signing.

The baffled bloke signed a shirt while one fan pretended to be his bodyguard.

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SNOOKER

🥙 Doner McGregor

As Kyren Wilson limped bravely around the table at the European Masters, the elderly crowd squinted over their corned beef sandwiches in admiration.

The defending champion was clearly one of sport’s elite masochists, someone who would push his body to its limit as he clocked up hours on the baize.

But the truth behind Kyren’s leg injury is slightly different.

After leading a rowdy stag do in the Algarve, the world number 8 got into a row in a local kebab shop over the price of a lamb doner.

And before he could throw a cheesy chip in anger, Kyren felt an agonising blow to his calf - he’d been whacked with a baton by a policeman.

"I was very much worse for wear, as you’re supposed to be on a stag do,” Kyren explained this week. “I was best man as well so it was my job to make sure the groom was well intoxicated."

FOOTBALL

☄️ Victory Lap

Man City striker Liam Delap is terrorising Championship defences while on loan at Hull, but he’s got a way to go before he can match the fearsome aura of his dad, Rory.

During Stoke’s golden era in the Premier League, Rory’s long throw-ins became such a threat that opponents went to ridiculous lengths to avoid them.

Like Hull keeper Boaz Myhill, who chose to kick the ball out for a corner in 2008 rather than risk one of Delap’s bullets.

West Ham even moved the advertising hoardings to stop him taking a long run up.

UPSHOT PODCAST

📱 Mum, you forgot to top up my mobile again

For a bloke who won the Ballon d'Or and lit up the World Cup, Michael Owen's life is comically dull.

The England legend has never tasted tea or coffee, and his mum managed his bank account until he was 38.

Join us for the story of England's weirdo wonderkid...

And for those of you who like long-haired men with a taste for bland fashion, here’s a photo of us recording the episode in a soulless conference room…

Please tell your friends about the pod so we can afford haircuts, a printer and our own pod studio.

BASEBALL

🚨 Home run

After his teammates fell victim to a spate of burglaries, LA Dodgers’ Max Muncy was feeling smug about his new home security system.

Unwinding on the team bus after a win, Max was watching Moneyball for the third time that week when an alert appeared on screen. His front door had been bashed clean off.

The squad huddled around Max’s phone as he watched a gang of thieves run amok in his Beverly Hills mansion.

The infielder could only look on in horror as his signed Babe Ruth bat and Playstation 5 disappeared into the back of a white van.

🏖️ There is no Upshot on Monday as it’s a bank holiday.

📺 Sport on TV

Today
Premier League
• Chelsea vs Luton Town (8pm, Sky Sports)

International rugby
• New Zealand v South Africa (7.30pm, Amazon Prime Video)

Saturday
Premier League
• Bournemouth vs Tottenham (12.30pm, TNT Sports)
• Brighton vs West Ham (5.30pm, Sky Sports)

Formula One
• Dutch Grand Prix Qualifying (2pm, Sky Sports)

International rugby
• England vs Fiji (3pm, Amazon Prime Video)
• Scotland vs Georgia (5.30pm, Amazon Prime Video)
• Ireland vs Samoa (7.45pm, Amazon Prime Video)

Sunday
Championship football
• Watford vs Blackburn Rovers (12pm, Sky Sports)

Formula One
• Dutch Grand Prix (2pm, Sky Sports)

 Premier League
• Sheffield United vs Man City (2pm, Sky Sports)
• Newcastle vs Liverpool (4.30pm, Sky Sports)

The Hundred Cricket
• The Final, teams TBC (6pm, Sky Sports)

What we cover in the TV Guide

That's it for today. Thanks to Harry for sending in stories.

Still want more?

• Listen to Michael Owen: England’s weirdo wonderkid on The Upshot podcast.

• Yaya and Kolo Toure’s bizarre love triangle with a “tremendously kinky” escort.

• The Yorkshire Rimmer strikes again (Upshot Gold story)