MMA

👊 Young Mackin will be got

During a break from his Dublin court case, Conor McGregor took his wife for a weekend in the bucolic border village of Rostrevor.

But somehow even a romantic mini-break turned into a chance for Conor to mete out some Old Testament justice…

RUGBY

🥩 High steaks

Eddie Jones and his shit-eating grin are back at Twickenham on Saturday, where the Japan boss will hope England are still traumatised by his seven year reign of terror.

Recalling the Jones era in his new book, Danny Care says: “It was like living in a dictatorship, under a despot who disappeared people. Everyone was bloody terrified of him”.

Care describes players forced to wrestle until they bled in the breakfast room while their stunned teammates ate scrambled eggs in silence.

But that pales in comparison to Eddie’s twisted 'apology’ for humiliating a coach in front of the entire squad.

"I wanna apologise for how I spoke to you earlier, mate," the Aussie told him. "I've bought you a steak, take it home and eat it with your missus. Enjoy it and please accept my apology".

The slightly puzzled coach went home, told his wife about his bizarre day, and fired up a griddle pan to sear the peace offering.

But when he opened up the bag there was no steak in there - just a pack of sausages.

He then received a text from Eddie, "You're not ready for steak. You're a sausage. Up your game."

FOOTBALL

👻 Sleepy Hollow

It’s been a miserable season for League Two Swindon Town, so when the club’s frazzled chairman called in manager Ian Holloway, he was hoping the veteran gaffer had cooked up an exciting formation to stop the slump.

But it turned out Ian had another plan up his sleeve.

In an interview this week, the new boss put the club’s bad form down to “an Anglo-Saxon burial site about ten yards away from our training ground”, citing “some strange things happening”.

"There is CCTV footage of a white apparition coming down the hallway, smashing through a wall”, he explained.

But fortunately for the chairman, Ian’s got a solution: his “white witch” wife.

Worth a try…

WRESTLING

🪦 Capitol punishment

If you’re wondering how US politics is going, here's the current Mayor of Knox County (formerly known as Kane) tombstoning Donald Trump’s new Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon.

FOOTBALL

⛓️ Uncle Spank

After last week’s story about dishy Des Lynam, we braved the dusty archives of Upshot Towers to dig out the sordid tale of another BBC face in the naughty nineties.

With his “Uncle Frank” nickname and trademark knitted jumpers, Grandstand host Frank Bough was one of one Britain’s best loved presenters, covering everything from the 1966 World Cup to the Watergate Scandal.

That was until 1988, when the News of the World ensnared naughty Uncle Frank in their grubby claws.

The paper reported Frank had hosted wild orgies with escorts, where he snorted cocaine and dressed up in women’s lingerie. He was sacked on the spot by the BBC.

After a very public flagellation, Bough worked his way back, and by 1991 he was hosting ITV’s coverage of the Rugby World Cup. But it was about to come crashing back down…

The following summer, papers splashed pictures of Frank leaving a “sado-masochistic sex dungeon”. Naturally, the Daily Mirror sent in their “investigators” to explore the den:

Frank was a good sport about it, going on Have I Got News For You for a savaging from squeaky clean host Angus Deayton. Whatever happened to him…?

💉 Quick hits

💡 More Mikel Arteta mind games: the Arsenal gaffer tells injured players to get off the team bus with their washbags so opposition managers think they’re playing.

🎥 Michael Owen is in Egypt, acting in blockbuster football movie El Hareefa 2.

🫣 Danny Care said Eddie Jones’s video analysts were so scared of him they were “visibly shaking” in meetings and “ended up as shells of their former selves”.

🪪 West Ham legend Michail Antonio missed Jamaica’s Nations League match because he lost his passport.

AND FINALLY

👭 And the winner is... teamwork!

After victory in the Merseyside derby, Everton Women award the player of the match to… the whole team.

That's it for today. Thanks to Kate and Mickey.