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10-minute street fight
Neymar's brush with the ultras
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💬 Quote of the day
“Ronaldo was the best striker I ever played against. I remember in one game thinking to myself, ‘I’ll wreck that fat man,’ but then he steamrolled me like I was a child.” - Former São Paulo defender André Dias.
FOOTBALL
😥 Santos little helper
When Neymar returned to his boyhood club Santos, he was probably envisioning hordes of adoring fans showering him with brigadeiros and mothers begging him to kiss their babies.
But eight months into his Brazilian comeback, it’s safe to say things haven’t quite gone to plan.
After a series of poor results, the eight-time champions are currently in a relegation scrap, and a top pundit has accused Neymar of treating the team like a “beach club”.
Things looked to have hit rock bottom last month when Santos suffered another defeat, and Ney got into a heated touchline row with a fan, who later explained:
He told me to shut up and insulted me, saying that if I was a man I should go to the changing room to talk.
But things reached a new nadir last weekend, when Santos were hammered 6-0 by Vasco and Neymar left the pitch weeping:
The manager was sacked after the match, and Neymar admitted the performance was “total shit” and that fans had “every right to protest”.
Which they did: two days later furious ultras burst into the training ground, surrounding Neymar and his teammates and “threatening them with violence”.
Welcome home!
FOOTBALL
🍷 Claret and blue
From the piazzas of Florence to the beaches of Saint-Tropez, sun-kissed holidaymakers across the world will soon be enjoying a chilled glass of Cold Palmer Sauvignon.
That’s if Cole Palmer has his way.
The Chelsea forward is currently trying to trademark his nickname, allowing him to flog godawful clothing, toiletries, food, toys and alcoholic beverages emblazoned with the words “Cold Palmer”.
But his plans have hit a snag, thanks to Bordeaux-based winery Château Palmer.
In a bid to preserve their image, the revered vineyard has challenged Cole’s application, meaning we’re unlikely to see bottles of CP on the shelves of One Stop any time soon.
Which is a shame, because we’d like to try a cabernet with notes of strawberry jam and chippy chips.
FOOTBALL
🕳️ Tears for Mierz
It briefly looked like Indonesia U17 star Mierza Firjatullah had fallen into another dimension this week, when he celebrated a goal by vaulting the advertising hoardings into an unexpected pit.
Fortunately he emerged unscathed, if a little embarrassed…
FOOTBALL
🥊 Wait til maman Rabiot hears about this
When Roberto De Zerbi left Brighton for Marseille, he swapped the archetypal well-run, data-driven, family-friendly club for a hotbed of passion, emotion and terrifying ultras.
And just in case he’d forgotten that over the summer holidays, he was dealt a brutal reminder on day one of the new season, when his side conceded an injury time goal to Rennes.
According to insiders, Adrien Rabiot and Jonathan Rowe engaged in a 10-minute “street fight” in the Marseille dressing room after the game.
The scrap was so intense, 17-year-old midfielder Darryl Bakola fainted half way through.
Afterwards, journalists overheard a furious De Zerbi screaming at his players:
The others beat us on the pitch, and we come back and beat each other here?
Do you know what that means? That we have small balls.
In Marseille, we must have big balls.
Both Rabiot and Rowe have now been transfer listed for “unacceptable behaviour”…
AUSSIE RULES
💎 Diamond geezer
Retired AFL star turned on-air pundit, Warren Tredrea, isn’t shy of a controversial opinion.
The Port Adelaide legend was sacked by Channel 9 in 2021, after refusing to get the Covid vaccine and then spouting some pretty fruity theories about it on local radio.
He took the channel to court for unfair dismissal last year, but ended up losing and being ordered to pay $200,000 to cover their legal fees.
The money never materialised, so Warren was back in court this summer to explain himself. And what an explanation it was.
Choosing to represent himself, Warren told the judge that he couldn’t pay the legal costs because he doesn’t believe in Australian legal tender.
He also argued the debt should be written off because he’d given his former employers an IOU promising “precious metals”.
Unsurprisingly, Channel 9 aren’t accepting a note scribbled on the bag of a fag packet promising unspecified gems, and the saga is set to continue…
💉 Quick hits
7️⃣ Justin Seven-Seven, who wears No.77 for West Brom U18s, scored in the 7th minute against Ipswich U18s this week.
🇨🇲 Everton striker Beto idolised Samuel Eto'o so much as a child, he used to sign his name as "Beto'o".
📺 YouTuber Mark Goldbridge has been been awarded broadcasting rights for the Bundesliga this season, and will show live Friday night games on his channel. Here’s a reminder of his broadcasting style.
🤑 All proceeds from the official 2010 FIFA World Cup song 'Waka Waka' were supposed to go to African charities. But according to an excellent article in Josimer, Shakira and producer John Hill trousered a “significant share” of the money.
🔑 Get The Upshot ad-free twice a week when you upgrade to Upshot Gold.
AND FINALLY…
🥳 Don’t look back in Angers
Angers goalkeeper Hervé Koffi was a very happy man when his team scored against Paris FC…
That’s it for today.
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