Say what you like about Chairman Mao, the former leader of the People's Republic of China who was responsible for 50,000,000 deaths, but at least he didn’t go around calling people mean names.

Unlike Kylian Mbappé, who was dropped by his Chinese sponsors this week after he referred to Mao as a dictator while discussing his favourite internet meme (above).

The Real Madrid striker swiftly apologised for hurting the feelings of the Chinese people, but that didn’t stop some fans burning his shirts and tearing down his posters.

It also didn’t stop China’s state broadcaster, CCTV, suspending its coverage of La Liga and all matches involving Mbappé.

Real Madrid and La Liga subsequently issued their own apologies, but these have been rejected by CCTV, because it “doesn’t accept the explanation that players have the right to express their personal opinions.”

You don’t say…

Much like the People's Republic of China, Lamine Yamal’s dad does not take well to perceived slights, no matter how minor.

Last year, Mounir was so incensed by his son coming second in the Ballon d’Or, he called it “the biggest moral damage done to a human being.”

And this week, on his way to this year’s ceremony, he spat in a waitress’s face at Barcelona Airport, because she pointed out he’d hung his jacket in a prohibited area.

When a by-stander tried to intervene and calm things down, Mounir “punched them and attempted to attack them with a cafe chair.”

The Civil Guard eventually stepped in and put a stop to the altercation, and somehow Mounir was still allowed to board his flight to London.

Which meant he was at the Palladium Theatre in time to see his son finish third.

Ever wondered what a half-time team talk at Dorking Wanderers looks like?

Well, it turns out it’s quite a lot like the bunker scene in Downfall, with manager Marc White playing the role of Hitler, and goalkeeping coach Dean Lightwood playing the mousy receptionist who waits outside.

They were only losing 2-1…

Speaking of scenes that belong in a gritty World War II film, Jermaine Pennant was mauled by a German Shepherd dog this week, leaving him needing 50 stitches.

Fortunately he was fine, but it did remind us of another story about Jermaine and his pet Japanese Akita, Shadow.

Back in his Liverpool days, Pennant was dating Hollyoaks star Jennifer Metcalfe, and the pair of them decided to go on a romantic holiday.

All was going well, until the winger got a call from his friend Sam, who was housesitting and had some devastating news: Shadow had “absolutely massacred” Jen’s Persian cat.

Rather than own up, Jermaine decided to cover up the cat murder by hiring a professional carpet cleaner to get rid of the blood, then getting Sam to bury the body.

When the happy couple got back from their trip, Jermaine spent weeks helping Jennifer put up lost cat posters around the neighbourhood, and she was none the wiser.

Until he confessed in his autobiography a decade later, saying, “Jennifer, if you’re reading this, then I’m really, truly sorry. But if I’d told you then we’d have broken up. . .”

Banbury in Oxfordshire is a sleepy, chocolate-box town nestled on the banks of the River Cherwell.

It’s full of decent, churchgoing folk, and nothing naughty happens there bar the odd blue joke about the giant marrows at the annual vegetable competition.

Until this week, that is, when Banbury United F.C. decided to host a male strip show by the “UK Pleasure Boys” at their clubhouse, and the cooped-up ladies of Banbury went wild.

According to one attendee, it was “the closest thing to an orgy I will ever see. I was expecting the Full Monty, but honestly I left traumatised.”

Another added, “It was a great laugh until it wasn’t... If the ticket said expect full [sex acts] in your face, then I wouldn’t have gone. My eyeballs are still bleeding.”

At least one woman has been kicked out by her husband as a result of the night’s antics, and the club has now issued an apologised for the “beyond acceptable” show.

🤐 Mao’s legacy is so sensitive in China, state media refused to mention what Mbappé actually said.

🐢 Mbappé is nicknamed “Guigui” in China because of his resemblance to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Which is probably more offensive than calling someone a dictator.

⛪ Banbury United are, rather ironically, nicknamed The Puritans.

💍 Joe Westerman (AKA the Yorkshire Rimmer) has tied the knot with his girlfriend.

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Two workers in an office overlooking Cape Town’s Newlands Stadium get caught watching the third Test between South Africa and Australia.