As China’s feud with Kylian Mbappé enters its second week, the Real Madrid striker is now slightly less popular than General Zhang and the Dalai Lama.

His face has been covered up on billboards and store fronts all over the country, and China’s biggest sports website, Dongqiudi, has removed all mention of him.

If you look up this year’s Ballon d’Or results, it shows Harry Kane first, Lamine Yamal third, and “no such person found” in second place.

China’s leading football video game, FC Online, has even removed Mbappe as a playable character.

Still, at least the People's Republic of China has a thicker skin than Aston Villa.

The Birmingham side threatened to sue Jamie Carragher this week, after he suggested Unai Emery should take the Man United job because they’re a bigger club.

Villa called his comments "unacceptable insults", and only dropped their threat of legal action once Carragher issued a grovelling apology.

It's been a while since we checked in on Ronnie Brunswijk, the bank-robbing former Vice President of Suriname.

In case you’re new here, Ronnie is the portly 65-year-old owner of Surinamese top flight side Inter Moengotapoe, who regularly fields himself as a player.

And this week, his self confidence finally paid off, when he scored his first ever goal in the Suriname Major League: a penalty in a 5-0 win over PVV.

Sadly, despite Ronnie’s lethal finishing, he’s unlikely to get a move in the next transfer window. He's wanted by Interpol for drug trafficking and can't leave Suriname.

So it looks like 16-year-old wonderkid JJ Gabriel and his meddling dad have finally secured his move to Real Madrid.

Good for him, but we prefer youth players who aren’t quite so “brandable”.

Like the hot-headed young stars of Uberlândia U20 and Mamoré U20, who got into a huge brawl during a Minas Gerais Under-20 Championship tie in Brazil this week.

After the fight calmed down, a world record 53 red cards were shown - 43 for players and eight for coaching staff - and military police were called because of extensive damage to the stadium.

The police report referenced 14 broken doors, damaged shower facilities, broken windows and that benches, tables and chairs had been destroyed.

Since hanging up his boots, former Spurs defender Sebastien Bassong has launched a new career as an “empowerment architect”.

In his words, he “revives lost drive” and “guides individuals toward their rightful success” through his “Take What Is Yours” philosophy.

And to be fair, it’s a philosophy he lives by.

Because Bassong, 40, has just been convicted of dodging a £7 train fare, after a TFL officer spotted him tailgating a friend through the barriers at St Paul’s Station.

After being stopped, Bassong tried to show them a staff pass belonging to his mate’s girlfriend, who used to be a driver on the DLR.

It didn’t work, and he’s now been ordered to pay a £558 fine, plus the £7 fare for his journey from Arnos Grove to St Paul’s…

Man City started their Remembrance activities early last Sunday, with a minute’s silence, the laying of a wreath by Enzo Maresca, and the playing of the Last Post.

And this Brighton fan kept his seagull mask on the whole time…

Elvis Presley was the sexiest man alive.

So how did he end up an obese wreck, dead on the toilet at 42, surrounded by sex books and prescription pills?

He guzzled drugs on military service, made films about shagging his cousins, and went so mad he saw Stalin in the clouds.

Listen to his unhinged story on the first episode of our new podcast…

👶 Ronnie Brunswijk has fathered 50 children.

🏟️ Inter Moengotapoe play their home games at the Ronnie Brunswijkstadion.

👕 Chelsea are now selling a £750 “dressing-room experience” which allows fans to arrange a player’s shirt and boots and leave a good-luck message ahead of a game.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Jude Bellingham’s dad scored seven goals on his debut for England Veterans’ over-50s on Sunday, in a 13–1 win over the Republic of Ireland.

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Brentwood Town might be 19th in the Isthmian League Premier Division, but they’ve got one thing your club will never have…