FOOTBALL

🏠 I’m Gunner be staying here for a little while

After years of wrangling with slum landlords over mouldy carpets and creaky radiators, Reaine McGregor was over the moon when she met the owner of her new pad: former Arsenal star Emmanuel Frimpong.

But - as Reaine told a judge this week - alarm bells began to ring when she tucked into a celebratory Deliveroo in front of Line of Duty, and spotted a pair of eyes peering through her living room blinds. It was Frimpong.

Caught red-handed, Emannuel doubled down, telling her: "I can come to the property whenever the hell I like.”

Soon after, he turned up on her doorstep clutching an air mattress and announced he was moving into the spare room, along with his wife and kids.

“It’ll only be for a few weeks,” he insisted, as he unfurled a tatty sleeping bag on her sofa and brushed his teeth in the kitchen sink.

But the Frimpongs ended up staying much longer and Reaine claims Emmanuel tried to force her out by “acting aggressively” and handing her a fake eviction order.

They’re now thrashing it out in court.

FOOTBALL

💰 Sheikh that ass

Sure, the life of a Insta-hottie looks like fun, flaunting your curves in soulless Santorini beach clubs, nibbling watermelon slices and barking orders at your miserable boyfriend as you climb out of an infinity pool for the 37th take.

But somebody has to pick up the tab for that lifestyle.

And we had a horrible glimpse into how the sausage is made this week, when a message was leaked from a modelling agency inviting girls to a “party with the owner of Manchester City Football Club”.

According to the ad, “hundreds of models go here every year to have fun”, which presumably means

wearing a low cut dress and making vacuous small talk with shady petroleum magnates as they ogle your boobs.

Still, it beats working…

RUGBY

🐂 Raging Bill

By now you’ve probably seen the news about England rugby star Billy Vunipola being tasered in a Majorca nightclub, then sedated and strapped to a bed.

But have you seen the HD footage of him thrashing around like a tranquillised wildebeest?

We sent it exclusively to Upshot Gold readers this week, and we’ll send it to you instantly when you sign up for a free 7 day trial of Upshot Gold…

FOOTBALL

🥊 London brawling

If you’re one of the 12 people wondering what former Sheffield United midfielder Curtis Woodhouse is up to, you’re in luck…

FOOTBALL

🦔 Can I go home now?

It took the wildlife photographers at Planet Earth II 400 hours of round-the-clock filming to capture their famous “Iguana v Snakes” scene.

And one man who can truly empathise is the poor bastard hired by Man United winger Antony to photograph his goal celebrations.

At the start of the season, the unlikeable £82 million star gave his personal photographer strict instructions to hand him a Sonic the Hedgehog toy when he scored, and capture the moment on camera.

It sound like an easy job, but the snapper has spent the past seven months traversing the country with Sonic in his rucksack, waiting for Antony to score.

He finally got his shot on Saturday, when Antony slotted against Burnley - his first league goal in a whole year.

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SNOOKER

🪰 Table manners

When you spend six days a week living off pickled eggs in a dingy, lager stained basement, you pick up some pretty unsavoury habits.

Like Scottish star Stephen Maguire, who squashed a housefly on the hallowed Crucible baize before guzzling it down.

AND FINALLY

🐈 Phil Furden

That's it for today. Thanks to Gibbs, Michael and Digger.