FOOTBALL

🥱 Owen worst enemy

“Everyone thinks he's boring, but I think they'll see a different side to him,” beamed Michael Owen’s daughter Gemma this week, as she promoted their new reality series.

Sadly, after watching the show, some critics disagreed…

It’s a shame Michael comes off as boring, because off camera, he’s a bit of a thrill seeker. That’s according to loyal Shotter Ifan, who recently sent us this letter:

FOOTBALL

🤑 Tickets for Peppa Pig World, I will buy or sell

It’s been so long since we heard from Jim Ratcliffe, we were starting to worry the sinewy old miser had been visited by three Christmas spirits and the chain-entwined ghost of Malcolm Glazer.

But it turns out the Man United owner has been back to his old tricks, threatening to revoke the season tickets of thousands of loyal supporters.

The club says it’s cracking down on touts, but among the accused is six-year-old Ruari, who - unlike his dad - doesn’t look like he’s been stood outside the North End desperately shouting “buying or selling?” at passersby.

Still, Ruari’s isn’t the worst case. Last year, 82-year-old Michael Carney was booted out of his seat to make space for a new hospitality box. He’d been sat there since 1980.

FOOTBALL

👕 Bad Kop

Speaking of stealing precious memories from children, a Liverpool fan was spotted pinching Isak’s shirt last week, after the striker tried to give it to a young supporter.

The stewards eventually shamed him into giving it back, meaning he didn’t get a souvenir, but he did get several hundred people on Twitter calling him a greedy bastard.

FOOTBALL

💔 The Price is right

Six points in the bag, Todd Boehly in talks to sell, and a brand new autumn/winter collection from Stone Island just dropped. It’s a good time to be a Chelsea fan.

Unless you’re Katie Price’s husband Lee Andrews, that is. Back in April, Lee was telling anyone who’d listen that he was in talks to buy the club for £2billion.

Now, five months later, he’s sat in Dubai’s Al Awir prison, and Katie is speaking to divorce lawyers about calling off their eight-month marriage.

The final straw for Katie came when she paid a financial expert to access Lee’s crypto wallet, and discovered it contained slightly less than the £37million he’d claimed.

The balance was………. £2.22.

Makes us question whether he really is the CEO of a company that makes flying cars…

FOOTBALL

🚕 Kaoru talkin’ to me?

When you’re a cab driver in Brighton, you spend most of your working life ferrying vomit-soaked students from PRYZM back to their grotty abodes in Moulsecoomb.

So when Brighton & Hove Albion hired a local taxi firm to transport their players to and from home games, the drivers were excited. Possibly too excited.

The firm’s first gig was Brighton’s friendly against Bologna two weeks ago. A fleet of their finest taxis picked up all the players from their homes and took them to the Amex.

Then, while the game was still going on, one of their drivers was spotted on CCTV, walking into an “out of bounds” area of the stadium and doing a big ol’ slug of coke off the back of his hand.

The driver was arrested, and the cab firm have been given the sack…

💉 Quick hits

⛓️ Lee Andrews is reportedly hated by his fellow inmates because they’re sick of his constant lies.

🚏 Mo Salah has only played three games for Turkish side Trabzonspor, but he’s already had a street named after him in Trabzon.

🪦 All football matches in Argentina will be paused in the 10th minute this week, for a minute-long tribute to Messi following his retirement from the national team.

🪙 Argentine referee Fernando Espinoza has been suspended for asking two team captains if they wanted to settle a coin toss with an “aura farming” competition.

🇮🇹 There's currently not a single Italian player in Serie A that has played in a World Cup match.

🕺 Joe Hart was spotted absolutely ‘aving it in Ibiza last week.

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AND FINALLY…

🎨 Ronnie O’Sullied