BASKETBALL

💩 Dirty Den

Most tourists visiting North Korea are scared to ask about the weather, in case they’re accused of espionage and sentenced to 15 years hard labour.

But Dennis Rodman is not most tourists. The retired basketball star struck up an unlikely bromance with Kim Jong-Un after visiting the country in 2013.

He called the Supreme Leader a “friend for life”, visited him on four further occasions, and was entirely comfortable in his presence. Perhaps too comfortable.

Because this week, after Trump tried to enlist Rodman’s help arranging a North Korean summit, a reporter pointed out that Dennis is no longer welcome in the country.

Guess “friends for life” doesn’t count for much these days in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea…

FOOTBALL

🪨 Rock star

This historic city of Trabzon is home to some truly breathtaking locations, like the Hagia Sophia Mosque built by Emperor Justinian I.

But Justinian never scored a hat-trick against Galatasaray, which is why the people of Trabzon have a new favourite landmark: the nondescript rock Mo Salah sat on during a countryside ramble.

The Trabzonspor winger uploaded a picture of himself on the rock last week, and now fans are making pilgrimages to the stone like it’s the site of a Marian apparition.

Local authorities even installed a bench and a sign, but they were swiftly stolen.

How long til devoted followers are seeing Salah’s face in their Turkish delight?

FOOTBALL

⛓️ Bart attack

If you were planning a Joey Barton pilgrimage, you’d be best off heading to the North West of England.

You could visit the Merseyside McDonald’s where he assaulted a 15-year-old, the Manchester nightclub where he stubbed a cigar out in a teammate’s eye, or HMP Liverpool, where he’s currently locked up awaiting trial for GBH.

Anti-corruption officers searched his cell on Sunday, and found an illicit stash of tobacco, plus a mobile phone that he was presumably gonna use to tweet Eni Aluko and call Jeremy Vine a “bike nonce”.

There’s now a chance he could lose his prison privileges, like gym access and television. Which would mean no more BBC Four Nietzsche documentaries!

AMERICAN FOOTBALL

🧊 And come to think of it, have any of ya’ll actually been to the moon?

Last month, we told you about NFL star DK Metcalf, who believes there’s a secret society of advanced beings living under Antarctica’s ice.

Far-fetched, sure. But at least DK accepts the existence of Earth’s fifth-largest continent, unlike San Francisco 49ers linebacker Dre Greenlaw.

Dre was in Melbourne this week, speaking to media ahead of the NFL’s first-ever game in Australia, when he decided to probe them about the polar desert.

When journalists assured Dre it was not a lie, he asked if any of them had seen it for themselves. They hadn’t, which does make you think…

FOOTBALL

🤷 Patro-nising

"I could still play at a high level because football is becoming easier,” explained Radja Nainggolan recently.

Which does beg the question, why is he turning out for Belgian second tier shitmunchers Patro Eisden?

Well…

Someone get Barcelona on the blower.

💉 Quick hits

🏀 Kim Jong-un originally invited Dennis Rodman to visit North Korea because he grew up supporting the Chicago Bulls.

🏕️ Joey Barton is a massive fan of the survivalist Ray Mears. When his old Newcastle teammates got bored, they used to wind him up by waxing lyrical about Bear Grylls.

🛒 Dele Alli has a lifetime ban from Tesco for "robbing the place up" as a kid.

🤌🏻 According to Harry Kane’s private chef, the striker once ordered lasagne on Christmas Day.

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AND FINALLY…

🩼 Ney bother

Ahead of Atlético Mineiro’s game against Santos, a group of elderly and wheelchair-using Mineiro fans recorded video messages for Neymar.

They each introduced themselves and stated their age, before telling him their knees were in a better state than his.