Liverpool Shagatha Christie mystery
Arteta's being weird again
Kevin Pietersen's golf club ban
David James made me cry
Man City's biggest shaggers revealed
Thomas Tuchel's sordid secret
Jarrell Quansah's grubby DMs
Jose Mourinho's seedy turn
John Arne Riise's dating disaster
Lewis Hamilton's Pikachu onesie
Thibaut Courtois' unsavoury evening
Jens Lehmann back in cuffs