Vincent Kompany's evil twin
Neal Maupay's elevator antics
Mikel Arteta's criminal connections
Alan Pardew's gift to Japan
Russell Martin's Page 3 fling
Neil Lennon's mid-season stag do
Frank Lampard's tall tales
Canadian football's dirty secret
England's sex scandal epidemic
Banned drugs in the wonton soup
Enzo Fernandez sparks a national meltdown
Gareth Southgate's horrible homecoming
