Roman Abramovich's sinister text message and more...
Gareth Bale's godawful music taste
Plus: Erik Ten Hag's borrowed suit
Plus: Gary Neville's war on mashed potato
Plus: Gordon Ramsay's fake football career and Gazza wades into the Middle East peace process
Plus: Daniel Sturridge on the run and the West Ham prodigy turned criminal mastermind
Bernie Ecclestone's naughty treat
Joey Barton's anger management class
Jens Lehmann sits the psychopath test
The wily Swede strikes again and Neil Warnock's fitting farewell
John Terry's guide to a quick £5,000, godawful fashion tips from Michael Owen and a pornstar footballer lets her dog drive a Range Rover
Plus: a GB Swimming love triangle turns nasty and Danny Cipriani's bad trip
