8/1/24 Face of frozen doner meat
Arteta's threadbare crotch
5/1/24 Everyone is naked
Rooney's home truths
2/1/24 Back rubs and Rolexes
Happy Roo Year
29/12/23 The Yorkshire Rimmer
Slip into your black tie, it’s our annual awards - The Shotties
22/12/23 Knock that robot out
Michelle Mone's night with Shane Warne
20/12/23 An appendage of truly gargantuan proportions
Paul Collingwood's back at it
18/12/23 Lizard of Oz
Delia Smith's football riot
15/12/23 Crocodiles in his pockets
John Terry escapes the mob
13/12/23 Greece frightening
Bin Laden's world class basics
11/12/23 My mum would scream at me
Where Joey Barton gets it from
8/12/23 Rolling drunk
Roman Abramovich's sinister text message, the Steed Malbranque penis enlargement rumour, Kylian Mbappe brands his teammate a "son of a bitch" and more.
6/12/23 Riding festival
Gary Neville tips up the Monopoly board
4/12/23 Grade A bastard
Ronnie O'Sullivan's nasty plan
1/12/23 Becoming a rudeboy
29/11/23 Raised on scampi fries
Messi's tabloid stitch-up
27/11/23 Boy of a pimp sister
Kevin De Bruyne's dancefloor hell
24/11/23 Boobsmacked
Jimmy Bullard barred from the clubhouse
22/11/23 Piggy in the middle
Jermaine Defoe's throuple
20/11/23 Horrible local hooch
Danny Cipriani back to his bad old ways
17/11/23 It’s a madhouse
15/11/23 Elf and safety
Andros Townsend's horrible dinner
13/11/23 Cheap skunk and Lynx Africa
Cole Palmer's medieval haircut
10/11/23 Unethical hair
8/11/23 Serious felonies
Gareth Bale's godawful music taste
6/11/23 Scurvy-riddled sailor
Plus: Erik Ten Hag's borrowed suit
3/11/23 A little piece of Chernobyl
Plus: Gary Neville's war on mashed potato
www.upshot.email/p/little-piece-chernobyl
1/11/23 Insulting a hairdresser
Plus: Andy Murray's meltdown and Berlusconi's dream signing
30/10/23 Midnight Ramblas: Mick Jagger goes MILF hunting in Barcelona
Plus: villains galore at South Africa's victory party
27/10/23 Couldn’t kick his own arse
Plus: Gordon Ramsay's fake football career and Gazza wades into the Middle East peace process
25/10/23 A bowl of spaghetti: Postecoglou goes full cult leader
Plus: Manuel Locatelli sobbing again and strippers in the NFL
23/10/23 Fags at half time
Bobby Charlton's brush with the criminal underworld
20/10/23 Sticky-faced urchins: Wayne Rooney back in court
Plus: Daniel Sturridge on the run and the West Ham prodigy turned criminal mastermind
18/10/23 The king of paparazzi
Frances Tiafoe breaks the space-time continuum
16/10/23 Fancy mess
James Maddison's IQ test
13/10/23 Diamond encrusted G-Wagons
Bernie Ecclestone's naughty treat
11/10/23 Up the Batty
Andy Murray's tears before bedtime
9/10/23 A spicy little scrap
Infinity pools and near death experiences in Qatar
6/10/23 Completely splash proof
Joey Barton's anger management class
4/10/23 Insigne in the membrane
Gattuso's blood lust
2/10/23 Clipboard-wielding jobsworth
Troy Deeney for the Balon d'Or?
29/9/23 Dorito-encrusted teenagers
Jens Lehmann sits the psychopath test
27/9/23 Complicated bald guys
Chelsea's owner storms the dressing room again
25/9/23 Welcome to Wrectum
Eddie Jones' wandering eyes
22/9/23 Sven deadly sins
The wily Swede strikes again and Neil Warnock's fitting farewell
20/9/23 Bolognese pizza and chips
Neil Warnock pilfering booze
18/9/23 I wear his boxers
Kyle Walker in the Wolf of Wythenshawe
15/9/23 A cream cheese massage: Germany's weirdo job candidate
Plus: John Terry's dinner party and Michael Owen on the catwalk
13/9/23 Purgatory for the pockets
Plus: Florentino Perez clears his search history and Adrien Rabiot throws another strop
11/9/23 Colin the Caterpillar
Plus: Jordan Ayew's love triangle and Scottish fans embrace their traditional customs
8/9/23 Eating handfuls of clay
Plus: a GB Swimming love triangle turns nasty and Danny Cipriani's bad trip
6/9/23 An obscene scarf
Roy Keane's hardman status survives
4/9/23 Hide your willies, boys
Plus: Danny Cipriani tells all and Mohamed Al-Fayed's little blue pill
1/9/23 A wee bit of charlie
Plus: an England physio's erotic fiction and Elton Jantjies is up to no good again
30/8/23 An inhuman witch hunt: Pablo Zabaleta is framed
Plus: Erling Haaland tackles a pitch invader, and another update from rugby's bum fingering epidemic
25/8/23 Throwing cheesy chips
Plus: Max Verstappen's 'orrible dad, snooker stars scrap with police and Pep's brush with the law
23/8/23 Unruly blazers
The Yorkshire Rimmer strikes again
www.upshot.email/p/unruly-blazers
21/8/23 Randy Spaniard: the dirty dogs behind Spain's victory
Plus: Lucas Paqueta's in trouble and Dominic Calvert-Lewin goes undercover
18/8/23 Mama's carbonara: Sandro Tonali goes native
Plus: Kim Jong Un's hole in one, and Ronaldo throws a tantrum
16/8/23 I'll shoot you: 500 lashings for Neymar
Plus: Diego Godin's brush with gun-wielding ultras, and Uruguay's midfield drug lord
14/8/23 Keep it funky: Roy Keane's miserable packed lunch
Plus: Harry Kane's day to forget and Daniel Sturridge sings Usher
11/8/23 Khan't buy me love: Amir Khan's guide to being a dirty dog
Plus: Kylian Mbappe banished to the leper colony, the vultures circle Leicester, and more
9/8/23 Unexpected lube: Ronaldo's latest revenge act
Plus: Stuart Broad dodges a hex and Messi sparks a brawl
7/8/23 Bocadillos and cervezas: a hooligan holiday
Plus: Marianakis throws yogurt and an old-fashioned baseball brawl
4/8/23 Everyone kissed: inside Neymar's latest orgy
Plus: Ian Holloway's haunted house and Ray Parlour's massive schlong
2/8/23 An Irishman without rules
A ridiculous Pep Guardiola rumour
31/7/23 Bawdy Broady's wicket way
England's stars defile the Oval pitch
www.upshot.email/p/bawdy-broadys-wicket-way
28/7/23 An ill-advised sangria sesh
Jonny Evans and Glen Johnson in cuffs
26/7/23 Gallows humour
Inappropriate behaviour at the Women's World Cup
www.upshot.email/p/gallows-humour
24/7/23 The right to bare Ars
Beckham's tears and gunmen on the pitch
21/7/23 "Binge after binge": a manager's madcap scheme
Plus: a chairman's nightclub revenge, Ian Botham inspires a generation and Conor McGregor's funeral fracas
19/7/23 Backstabbing and bloodletting
Plus: the PSG prison, Rickie Lambert's exciting experiments, and the Jonjo Shelvey aphrodisiac goes Stateside
17/7/23 Guerilla pervs and fan frenzies
Messi's mobbed and Le Tissier leaves the UK
14/7/23 A relaxing orgy goes wrong
Mbappe's Presidential tour, Warnock's nice little earner and a relaxing orgy goes wrong
12/7/23 The Arctic Monkeys' nasty plan for Arsenal
Plus: Sandro Tonali's nightmare on the Toon and Dennis Rodman's romantic gesture
10/7/23 Citizen Cane
Paul Collingwood back on the pull
7/7/23 Neymar and Jonjo's Shelvey's guide to romance
Neymar's shagging rules, Richard Keys settles old scores and more Ashes beef
5/7/23 Jammy Craig, 60
Matt Le Tissier mans the barricades
3/7/23 Chain gang
Christian Pulisic rents Tuchel's basement
www.upshot.email/p/chain-gang
30/6/23 Doha dad
Gary Neville's secret to the good life and Richard Keys up to no good
28/6/23 Candle in the Mings
Stuck behind Peter Crouch at Glastonbury
26/6/23 Game, Sex and Match
Our guide to Wimbledon 2023
23/6/23 The real reason Cancelo left Man City
Plus: American sport's "hot girl problem", Didier Deschamps ruins a honeymoon and Gazza groping his teammates
21/6/23 Bad melon
Gary O'Neil's dirty secret
19/6/23 It was just weird
Kevin Pietersen's very weird bedroom antics
16/6/23 Horny Warnie and Dirty Diego
Jack Grealish ruins Lisandro Martinez's holiday, Balotelli gives his sporting director a black eye and Shane Warne's shagging antics wreak havoc from beyond the
14/6/23 Durham Cockneys
David Beckham masters the English language
12/6/23 Ruby the Heartstealer
Berlusconi goes to the big massage parlour in the sky
9/6/23 Emile Smith-Rowe's message to Mikel Artera
Emile Smith-Rowe's desperate attempt to get in Arteta's good books, N'golo Kante's gold-coated doughballs, Napoli ultras break into their manager's car and more
7/6/23 My bro forever
Knollsy descends on the Franz Kafka Museum
5/6/23 Mourning glory
Phil Foden’s brush with fame
2/6/23 Walking like a dude
A day in the life of the Premier League's most notorious felon, the cocaine smuggling ex-Ajax star who stabbed his relatives and more.
31/5/23 Billy big bollocks
Heartbreak in Hamburg
theupshot.beehiiv.com/p/31-5-23-billy-big-bollocks
24/5/23 Caution: crushing hazard
Phil Neville's Miami meltdown
22/5/23 Man mountain
Thomas Tuchel's warning from history
